Read All About It
by Sincerely Tiffany
Summary: AU. One shot. For the last ten years, they've been married. Close friends and family know, but his fans and the world have no idea that movie star heartthrob Jay Halstead is off the market. And that was all on purpose. Until he made a mistake that accidentally revealed to the world the one secret they vowed to keep.


Before the sun has the chance to rise, the team uses the cover of darkness to their advantage, separating and surrounding a single-family home in search of a suspected serial arsonist. Into the house they go, geared up in bullet proof vests, as they travel floor to floor in search of their suspect. The team breaks apart, Atwater with Burgess, Olinsky with Voight, Dawson with Upton and Lindsay with Ruzek, her partner since she joined the unit six years ago.

The halls are eerily quiet and he signals for her to go right as he travels left. She has her gun held out in front of her as she creeps down the hall, her steps creaking against the old floorboards and she prays that if he's here, she doesn't alert him to her presence. She gets to the room all the way at the end, she takes a stand against the wall, back pressed against it as she reaches over to throw open the door. Quickly, she steps into the bedroom, gun drawn and aimed, and she isn't met with the sight of their suspect but with the smell of decomposing corpses. She gags. She covers her mouth and when she runs further into the room, pushing open the bathroom door, she falls to her knees, carelessly dropping her gun to release the contents of her stomach.

Footsteps are heard and she hears shouts coming from downstairs. She knows the team has found him and fortunately since shots haven't been fired, she has every reason to believe that he's now in their custody. She pukes again and luckily for her she had her hair pulled back into a ponytail so no strands obscured her vision during the raid. She flushes the toilet but she's scared to get up, she's scared that once the smell hits her again, she'll have to puke once more. Heavy footsteps enter the bathroom and she makes a reach for her service weapon. Her body is tense as she hears the steps approach, "Erin," her shoulders relax when she hears her partner's voice. It's just Ruzek.

"…in here," is her grumbled reply followed by his speed increasing in order to be at her side.

"What happened?" He leans down and rubs her back.

And when she responds, she doesn't turn to look at him, afraid that he'll smell the puke on her breath, "I got sick. The smell of those bodies…they got to me." Which is weird. Both of them know that. She's been around dead bodies before and while the smell isn't pleasant, it has never made her race to the bathroom to release the contents of her stomach, at least not in years.

He voices her internal thought, "You haven't puked at a crime scene since we were rookies." Her oldest friend knows absolutely too much about her. The two of them met at the police academy but they weren't official partners until they both joined the Intelligence Unit.

"…maybe I caught a bug."

"Yeah," he says and she can tell he's about to crack a joke as he helps her to her feet, "a pregnancy bug." Ruzek throws his arm around her shoulders and guides her out of the room, being mindful to turn her inwards to allow her to press her nose against the collar of his shirt in an effort to block out the smell of the bodies. His cologne was powerful enough to do it.

As the bright lights of squad cars and police cruisers flash at the scene along with ambulances and the coroner who had just arrived, she reflects back on Ruzek's words. She's isn't working a full shift today; her husband is coming home and she had every intention of being there when he did. Ruzek walks her over to the car, gently pulling away from her to watch as the color fills her face once again, "Did you want me to give you a ride home? I'm pretty sure Jay won't be too happy if you puke all over the leather seats."

Erin considers his offer for a long moment before deciding against it, "No, I should be good. I need to make a stop anyway." And she did, she needs to go to the convenience store.

-x-

For the four hour plane ride from Los Angeles to Chicago, the vision of his wife consumed his thoughts. For all intents and purposes, in every aspect of his life, she was his focus, his actual dream come true. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't feel as fulfilled as he did now. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be the successful actor that he is today. When his plane lands, he's met with the bright, flashing lights of paparazzi the second he steps off the platform. He's learned a long time ago to wear sunglasses even if it isn't sunny outside; it blocks the bright flashes from their cameras as they're shoved in his face for close-ups. The air is crisp. It smells like home. He's officially back in Chicago, his home in every essence of the word; it's the place where he was born and raised and it's the location that his heart resides.

Paparazzi are shouting at him, and even as he tries to ignore them, he couldn't help but catch a few of the questions, the same old questions they seem to always ask.

 _Jay, what brought you back to Chicago?_

 _Are you here to visit family?_

 _You have a house in California, yet you come here just as often as you can. Why is that?_

 _Jay, when do you think you'll settle down?_

 _Will your next project be filmed here?_

 _What are you working on next?_

 _How do you feel about a sequel to your last movie? Would you do it if asked?_

 _Are the rumors about you dating-_

He usually ignores the questions but he feels compelled to chime in on that one, "No, those rumors aren't true," he says before the paparazzi guy even had the chance to finish his question. He didn't need any rumors about his love life being circulated around. He's not dating anyone. He's married, happily married and that's not changing anytime soon.

But, they didn't know that. Few people did. And that was for the best.

He's met with fans the second he leaves the airport and if it wasn't for his hired security then he would have been ambushed. It happened a year ago and due to the accidental scratches left on him by his overeager fans his wife insisted –more like demanded- that he hire one or two bodyguards to prevent that from happening again. And they did, on more than one occasion. He just needed them while he was traveling, other than that, he could take care of himself.

Jay signs a few autographs and responds to a few fans who flirt but that's it. He isn't completely antisocial, they've funded his career and he appreciates them for that. A few of them hold up posters asking for his hand in marriage and another few hold up poster boards expressing their love and adoration for the beautifully handsome man dressed in jeans and a Henley. Fans are asking questions and when the excitement reaches its peak, his bodyguards step in to clear a path towards the car they called to come pick them up.

The fans are just as curious to know what brings him back to the city. His mom died of cancer when he was a teenager and his dad died two years ago in an apartment fire. No one knew about his brother, the doctor. No one knew about his sister-in-law, the other doctor either. And no one especially knew about his wife, the love of his life, the woman he married before all of the fame and publicity, his high school sweetheart and the only woman he's been with in all sense of the word. His public image painted by the press and media has him as some unattainable bachelor, one that goes woman to woman and leaves behind a trail of broken hearts when that's the furthest thing from the truth, when he's truly a one woman man and has devoted his vows, his heart and life to the woman of his dreams, Erin Lindsay.

As he climbs into the backseat of the truck, he slides back on his wedding ring. The public or at least everyone who cares enough to share their opinion thinks having a house here is a waste of time and money but that's only because they don't know the truth. The comments under his social media pictures consist of people expressing their love for him along with those who question his frequent trips to Chicago, citing that they believe it'll just be easier to stay in California since that's where all of the movies he's starred in have been filmed. He didn't care about their beliefs or what they wanted. His wife wanted to stay here, her career was here and he loves her too much to have her put in a transfer to the west coast.

He was attached to Chicago, or more specifically, he was attached to who was in Chicago. If she left, then he left. His trips from California to Illinois and back occurred every other week, or if he's lucky then every week with him spending weekdays in Los Angeles and flying to Chicago for the weekend and the moment his movie wrapped, he put in for a break. For the last year, he's only seen his wife on weekends and holidays and he wanted more than that, he needed more than that. And now he's back, and he had no intention of leaving in the next few months.

As he sits in his car, he slides over to the door to roll down the window. He holds up his phone and takes a selfie including the gorgeous view in his background. He posts it to social media, more specifically his professional social media account because no one but his family and closest friends know about his personal one. He types the caption, - _back home-_ before putting it out there for the whole world to see. And he knows that in the next few minutes there will be comments wanting to know why he's back there again when his last visit was only a week ago. They know something keeps bringing him back, they just don't know that that something is a someone and how much that someone means to him,

-x-

Erin gets the notification to her phone of her husband's post. She checks the name, noticing it's from his professional account and she takes her time opening it. His personal one is private and it's under his middle name so no one would be the wiser. When she pulls up the picture she smiles because damn her husband looks good and maybe it's the hormones but she has every urge to jump him once he walks through the door.

She's home, sitting in the lavish dining room, at a glass table that can seat up to eight people and she's stalling. There's an unopened pregnancy test in front of her waiting to be used but she hesitates in opening it. He's famous; her man is wanted by many people for his charm, his good looks, his appeal and his money. They live in a gated community in the suburbs of Chicago and if it wasn't for the security guard who controls the gate then she knows paparazzi would have followed him home at some point and found out about his double life.

Not knowing how long she sat there twirling the box around in her hands, she eventually hears the front door unlock and open and her name being called, "Erin!" She doesn't get up, she doesn't respond; she's too focused on the unopened box in her hands, the one that can permanently change their life.

Jay doesn't hear a response and he checks his watch, knowing that it was the middle of the day and his wife had promised she would take off from work. Her car was in the garage so she had to be here. He hears the sound of nails scraping against the wood floor as their golden retriever runs up to him, barking and jumping around in excitement, "Hi Nova, where's your mom?" He rubs the top of the dog's hair and just as the dog has done many times in the past, she turns around and leads him in the direction of his wife, finding her sitting at the dining room table, zoned out as her eyes stare down at the small, pink box in her hands.

"Hi baby," he says, startling her out of her reverie but she doesn't seem to mind, she drops the box, stands up and runs over to him, jumping into his arms the second she reaches him.

She obviously missed him. She's obviously happy to see him. He wraps his arms around her, gripping her thighs as she tightens the grip her legs have around his waist. He missed her just the same even though he saw her just last week and then the week before that and every other week before that. He made sure that too much time doesn't pass between seeing each other.

"I missed you," she remains in his arms and she pulls her head back before pressing her lips against his in a sloppy kiss, "I love you." He meets her kiss back with equal fervor, tightening his grip on her thighs as her core rubs against his, "God," his breathy moan comes out, "I missed you so fucking much, Erin." And she did too. She doesn't think she'll be able to see him leave again even though it was only seven days since their last goodbye.

Separating after a hot make out session left them both panting. He wants to take her in the room and ravish her and based on the look she's giving him, she wants the same thing. He stares into her eyes, seeing the plea there for him to rock her world and he gears up to fulfill that promise when his eyes break away from hers and drifts towards the one item in the dining room that doesn't match the black and white color scheme. It's a pink box. It's a pregnancy test.

"…Erin…a…are you," he swallows thickly and hesitates before continuing on, "are you pregnant?"

She squirms out of his arms and carefully he helps her down but not once did he disconnect from her, some part of him was always touching her whether it's his side against hers, his hand against her lower back or his lips against the side of her head. Eventually she answers the question that he forgot he asked, "Maybe…I uh…I didn't take it yet."

"What are you waiting for?" The cheesy grin on his face comforts her. He's looking forward to this and now Erin realizes why she was so hesitant to take it in the beginning, it isn't because she's afraid of what the answer will be; it's because she was waiting for him to do it with her.

Without further ado, Erin tears open the box and disappears for a few minutes to take the test. And moments later, when her phone timer is counting down the seconds, she opens the door and starts to pace, "We haven't technically been trying," she says and it's the start of a full on ramble if he doesn't cut her off, "Babe," he interjects, "it's not as if we weren't not trying either."

"Huh," the double negative confuses her and she takes a minute to try to understand it, "What?"

"I'm just saying, we've been getting sloppy these last few weeks because we've missed each other too much that the first thing we do when we see each other is pounce. If the test is positive then it'll be okay," he reassures, pulling her into his arms, "it's fine because we're two consenting adults, who love each other and have the means to raise and provide for this baby. We always wanted kids but we decided to wait until we were comfortable in our careers and we are…at least, I think we are. I wouldn't mind having a baby now. I actually like the idea of it."

"I wouldn't mind having one either."

And now a whole new set of nerves strike, nerves that has her hoping the test isn't negative. But, those nerves are only present for a few seconds because her timer has gone off and she and Jay are walking into the bathroom, hand in hand, "Are you ready to have a baby if I'm pregnant?"

He smiles and gently squeezes her hand, "How did I get you?"

She reaches for the test because she should do the honors and before she flips it, she prolongs the moment by making one final comment, "If I am pregnant, I don't want the world to know, I don't want your fans in our business. I don't want…" she pauses to gather her thoughts; "I want our baby to have a normal life out of the spotlight."

Jay respects that and in the upcoming months if she is pregnant they'll have a lot to discuss but for right now that conversation goes on the back burner because she's flipping the test around in one second and then she's back in his arms the next. She holds him tight. He holds her just as hard but he's unable to see the answer of the test because it fell to the floor in her excitement, "Er," with her in his arms, he tries to scan the floor for the test but it's lying face down, "what did it say? What did the test say? Am I going to be a dad?" The more he asked, the more excited he grew. If she wasn't pregnant, he was willing to carry her to the room and make love to her until she was. Now that they talked about it, he wanted a baby. "What did it say," he repeats.

With her mouth pressed to his ear, he held her close as she whispered, "We're going to need to turn one of the spare rooms into a nursery, _daddy_ ," and those words were music to his ears. He kissed her just as hard as he did in the dining room and this time he carries her into the bedroom because even though they didn't need to try for a kid, they did need to celebrate the one they had growing in her belly.

-x-

She's pregnant. It's confirmed at the doctor's appointment they scheduled the next day.

And Jay calls his agent, Mouse, not to share the news, but to tell him that he won't be taking any roles that are outside of the state. He doesn't want to leave her, not while she's pregnant and especially not when the baby arrives. Maybe the last movie he did will be the last time anyone sees him on the big screen, at least for quite some time, but he's going to be a dad and he couldn't really find it in himself to care what others will think about his sudden leap into retirement.

Erin continues to work but she's on desk duty now because the only person that knows is Voight even though the rest of the team has probably figured it out. All of the signs –and symptoms- were there. And if they were as good at investigating as their job titles suggest then they should have known long before the test read positive.

Jay stays at home, enjoying the peace and quiet and occasionally walking Nova around the neighborhood. In a daze, during his morning strolls with his golden retriever, he pictures himself pushing a stroller as his wife works; he pictures his kid taking their first steps and speaking their first word. That first word will definitely be _dada_ ; he won't settle for anything else. He sees parents with their children waiting for the school bus and he can see him and Erin doing the same thing. This was everything he never knew he wanted and now that it's here, he doesn't know how to contain his excitement, he doesn't know how to keep it to himself because after their doctor's appointment, they find out she's six weeks pregnant and as they leave they agree to start sharing the news when she's at least ten weeks. _At least_. They may keep it private for a little longer.

-x-

By the eighth week mark, it truly hits him. She's pregnant. He's going to be someone's father. And while he likes the thought of it, he finds himself growing nervous at the realization that he's going to be someone's protector, someone will be completely dependent on him for love, shelter and security. His whole lifestyle will change, by November, his priorities will shift and his entire outlook on life will start to transform. He's going to be a dad.

Unfortunately, he's broken out of his blissful reverie when his agent contacts him with a potential role in the area if he's interested. It's based and filmed in Chicago so he could be home every night. He's eating dinner, Erin made her famous chili when the call comes in and he places his cell on speaker because there isn't anything his agent can say that he wouldn't want Erin hearing, "What's this role about?" He has to admit he's intrigued and Erin knows that acting is his passion so she hopes he likes the role and takes it. He can have the best of both worlds.

"It's a cop drama," and now the role draws her in because she's a real life detective and he may potentially be playing one on television, "it's a lead role as a Chicago detective, I don't know too much about it right now, but they'll shoot a pilot and if the network likes it, they'll pick it up. If you want the role, just say it, the casting director is a fan of your work, and you have a huge fan base that'll tune in just to see you on their television screen, say the word, it's yours if you want it." And this is why his agent makes the big bucks because he does want it, it's perfect and when he meets his wife's eyes and sees just how excited she is that he'll be able to continue his passion so close to home, he realizes that there is only one response he could give, "I want the role."

As Jay goes over the finer details of the contract that he'll be signing bright and early tomorrow morning, Erin clears the table, collecting the empty bowls and carrying them to the kitchen. By the time she returns, he's off the call, "Come here," he reaches for her hand and pulls her close, smiling widely when she falls on his lap, "I can't believe that just happened. I'm so fucking happy right now. My baby is having my baby. You're happy, healthy and glowing and I…I don't need to give up my career. I can do what I love while being with the people I love," his hand found its way to her nonexistent bump and he caressed it lightly knowing that in a few weeks, it'll start forming; he leans forward and brushes his lips against her neck before inhaling her scent, "I feel like the happiest man on the planet."

-x-

At ten weeks, her bump only shows when she eats a heavy meal. It's tricky that way. It's easily covered by clothes but the second she strips, it's somewhat visible. She's with her husband; he's sporting sunglasses and a baseball cap in an effort to cover his appearance. It appears to be working because no one is sneaking photos or approaching them.

Erin's walking alongside him; her shoulder occasionally brushing against his as they make their way down the aisle. She's at his hip as he pushes the grocery cart. And while he's grabbing the healthiest snacks and food items his eyes land upon, she takes it upon herself to sneak some sweet treats into the cart, "Erin, you don't need all of that. You're going to have a sugar high."

She rolls her eyes and tosses a box of pop tarts into the cart anyway, "I have no control Jay, this is your baby that's determining what I throw into the cart," it's a copout. Both of them know it. But, if he's going to force her to eat all of the vegetables he put in the cart then the least he could do was cut her some slack for the few family size bags of chips, the box of pop tarts and the container of cinnamon rolls that she casually added.

She's multitasking. With one hand, she's occasionally tossing delicious looking treats into the cart and in the other, she's holding her phone, scrolling through Instagram, liking photos and commenting on others. Her page is private and she has photos of her and her husband posted with comments from family and close, trusted friends. She's commenting back on a picture of her and Jay during their last reunion a week ago. His brother commented, making a smart remark about how Jay failed to pay him a visit when he was last in town. She smiles as she responds because she knows that during his last visit, he was a bit preoccupied with her. And while it wasn't the visit that he managed to knock her up, it was the visit that they celebrated her pay raise. She loved her man and she loved her job and she felt so good because everything was going well for them. A happy marriage, a healthy baby and two successful careers made the perfect recipe for a blissful life. It was all too good to be true.

"You know, I'm so glad that you're staying for good. I got tired of third wheeling with Ruzek and Kim. It gets old real fast."

"…yeah well," his hand reaches to pat her stomach, "now we're about to have our own third wheel." She laughs.

Erin stops tossing snacks into the cart when they turn into an aisle that lacks it. Now the hand that was once throwing treats into the cart was resting over her baby bump, one that was defined by the tight shirt she was wearing and the fact that right before they came into the store, she treated herself to a burrito. Jay parks the cart and compares the prices and nutritional value between two boxes of brown rice, one on and one off brand while Erin continues to caress her belly. It's his turn to cook dinner tonight so she finds no need to pay much attention to what he puts in the cart. She just plays the role of dotting wife, rocking forwards and backwards on her feet as she reflexively runs her hand up and down her lower stomach.

It's only when she thinks someone notices him, she pretends like she doesn't know him at all and moves further down the aisle to pretend to look at a different item of food as the person comes over to get his autograph, "Can you keep this between us? I don't need the whole store knowing I'm here," his fan is eager to assist him in keeping his presence undercover and after a magazine that she hasn't purchased yet with his face plastered on the cover is signed, she carries on her way. She's none the wiser of his wife at the other end of the aisle or the ring gleaming bright on his finger. And based on the fact that no one approaches them, she figures the fan has kept her word. Good, because the last thing Erin wanted was to have to pretend like she didn't know her husband.

The couple continues their grocery shopping; she's catching up on his personal Instagram page, liking silly posts he's made and some of the comments from their loved ones. But, then she notices the most recent photo he's posted a day ago. It's of the back of her head as she stares out of the window to look at the sunset. She loves this man so much that she couldn't resist pulling him off to the side and kissing him in the middle of the grocery store. He's successfully accomplished the role of husband and actor so it's only inevitable for him to do the same with the new title, -daddy.

-x-

The two of them are lying in bed, his back against the headboard, her head against his chest and his fingers tracing nonexistent patterns into her baby bump. She's on her cell phone, using her free time to google his name for some reason. Since he's made it big, she has always found herself googling him to see what the world has been talking about as it relates to her husband. She clicks on one article whose title is pure clickbait but she couldn't help herself.

He continues to rub circles into the newly formed twelve week baby bump, "…that tickles," she giggles, trying to squirm away from him, but his arm prevents her. He holds and locks her into his side, "I'm sorry," he doesn't actually sound sorry though, especially because he continues to trace circles into her stomach, creating shapes and patterns that didn't actually exist.

Erin rolls her eyes and clicks out of the article to load up another, "You apologize yet you continue," she's shaking her head but she doesn't stop him.

When he accidentally tickles her again, she sits up and moves the covers off her legs. Nova looks up from her spot at the foot of the bed. She jumps down and walks out of the bedroom in search of peace and quiet so she can actually get some sleep. Erin faces him and folds her legs, resting her phone in the center of them, "Word on the street is you're dating your costar," he looks over to meet her eyes, "the one on the movie you just wrapped up on. I can't remember her name."

"…Aly," he says and when her brow quirks, he rolls his eyes, "Allison, she's cool and she's just a friend and why are you reading celebrity gossip? You and I both know it's garbage." He moves to take her phone away but she's too quick for him. She swipes it up.

"I always read stuff about you. I'm a whole timezone away and it makes me feel involved," she shrugs and finds herself staring down at the sheets, "I'm miles and miles away and when I'm here by myself, I feel closer to you by seeing what you were up to that day."

"…you know," he leans forward to brush his lips against her forehead, "there's another way," he kisses her cheek, "that you can know what I've been up to," he kisses her other cheek and pauses for dramatic effect, "you can always pick up the phone and call me." He kisses her lips last, lingering his own against hers before sliding his tongue through the barrier of her closed mouth, "…kiss me." And she does, she kisses him hard, running her hands through his hair and twining her fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

"This is how we got here in the first place," she rubs her hand over her lower stomach while withdrawing her mouth from his, "I love you."

"I love you too. Now, can you please exit out of that crap?"

She shakes her head, "There's a blog dedicated to how hot you are and I must admit, I've been tempted to comment," When he smirks, she laughs, "what? I'm serious. I mean, the most anyone else has ever seen of you is your bare chest and while it is a mighty fine chest, I've had the pleasure of seeing more. And I wouldn't necessarily put that in the comments, but I wouldn't be opposed to liking a few of them and adding in a few heart eye emojis." He finds her fucking adorable when she's sitting there, in gray sweatpants and a white tank top with her hair up in a messy bun as the baby bump protrudes through the bottom of the tank.

She's not wearing a bra either. She never does when she's in the house for the night but he's never complained because he gets as much enjoyment from it as she does.

"…a lot of people are speculating on what keeps drawing you to Chicago."

Hearing this really makes him take the phone away, "Why do people care so much?"

"Because they're huge followers of yours," she says, swiping her phone away before he can finish reading the headline, "you have to see it from their point of view. I mean…you fly here I don't know how many times a month and you stay for a few days before flying back. Your fans know your parents are deceased. They have no idea about any of your living relatives and something keeps bringing you back here. They're curious and the more you evade the question the more curious they get because it's the mystery aspect of it all."

He sighs; he absolutely hated talking about this but since she insists, "Fine, what are some of the reasons they're speculating?"

Erin grins, sitting up straight as she starts swiping for some of her favorite guesses, "One woman thinks you have a secret kid that lives with its nanny in Chicago."

"That's kind of true I guess," his hand finds its way back to her stomach, "but why a nanny? Not once did they guess maybe the secret kid lives with its mother? What makes someone go straight to a nanny? Not a wife? Not a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend? A nanny…seriously?"

"You have a reputation," she puts simply.

And he knows that, but it's not like he created it. The media speculated it. People fed into it because of his looks and charm. And if he wasn't trying to protect his wife from his fans and trolls then he would have squashed it a long time ago.

She continues skimming through different articles pertaining to her husband, "Oh…and it seems word has spread about the new television show you'll be a part of." He signed the contract a few weeks ago but they're not scheduled to start shooting until the summer. The baby is due in November; he smiles at the thought of it. He has time to work and get mentally prepared for impending fatherhood.

"What's the reaction?" He holds his breath.

"Um," she scrolls through, skimming over each comment, "it's mostly all good. A lot of people are looking forward to seeing you play a cop, or specifically seeing you in a bullet proof vest carrying around a service weapon. And I have to admit, the idea of that really turns me on. Do you think they'll let you wear the gear home?" She lowers her phone to look at him.

"I doubt it."

Erin rolls her eyes and swipes down to skim other articles before landing on a link that led to a blog. It's a bashing blog, and while she felt compelled to comment on the blog that discussed how hot her husband is, she felt even more obligated to comment and defend her husband.

Jay reaches up to rub the crease out of her brow, "Whoa…I sense you read something that wasn't flattering. Let me see," he tries to lean over to view the phone but she moves it.

"It's just a bunch of people talking about bad experiences they've had with you."

Nothing stands out to him. He can't recall a time where he was intentionally rude to someone.

"…which translates to," Erin continues the second she sees him zone out in an effort to think of a time; he was going to worry himself, "you didn't sign one of their magazines or shirts, DVD covers or body parts or you refused to take a picture with them which in their heads makes you rude. They just think fame has gotten to your head but screw them; they don't fucking know you and I hate that blogs like this exist but freedom of fucking speech and all that crap."

"Babe…"

"I should comment," she growls, typing aggressively on her phone. Her hormones are skyrocketing right now and she needed to get her frustration out, "because these little fuckers are so freaking flip-floppy. I mean, one second they're all like Halstead is so hot and I love him and the next they're like oh he's so disrespectful because he didn't pay me one second of attention!"

"…Erin," he says in a sing-song voice as he manages to slide the phone out of her hand and far enough away from her that she couldn't grab it. He sits it down on his nightstand.

"What?" Her face is stone-cold straight.

"I love when you want to defend me," he grabs her hand and tugs her forward, earning a small smile that threatens to spread wider, "and I love it when you curse; I think it's hot, but how about we channel all of that anger into something productive."

"…like what?"

His answer is expressed in actions by slowly stripping himself bare and allowing her the opportunity to do with him as she pleases.

-x-

Jay hasn't been active on social media which raises all sorts of red flags for his most devoted fans. With his wife being 14 weeks pregnant, he's been so busy now that she's halfway through her third month of pregnancy. He's cherishing every moment. And every second he has, he rubs her stomach, so much and so often that it's beginning to drive her crazy, "What are you going to do about your followers? I'm pretty sure they miss seeing your face."

"…they don't care about my personal life," he leans forward to brush his lips against her bare stomach. He's sitting on his knees, the cushion of the white carpet pressed beneath them to ensure they didn't cramp up. She had just gotten out of the bathtub and had only managed to dress herself in a bra and underwear before he was at his knees, cradling and kissing her baby bump.

She runs her hands through his short hair, "I beg to differ." And he looks up to meet her eyes as she continues, "I've been looking at articles, blogs and social media fan pages," and at hearing that, he sighs rather loudly, "I'm sorry! I'm on desk duty now that I'm carrying your kid and there's not much I can do. I need something to do. But anyway, these pages are dedicated to your personal life and they're very involved in guessing what you do on your days off."

"Can I see?" He releases her from his hold only to allow her to grab her cell phone. And she shows him the first fan page that appears on her newsfeed because she has to admit, she follows it. Turning her phone around, she shows him the page of pictures –new and old- that show his best angles with captions wondering who he's with and what he's doing.

Jay takes her phone as she goes over to her pajama drawer, "I don't want any of them to know about you," he admits what she already knows, "and I don't want anyone knowing about our baby either. I want the two of you to myself." And she completely understands that. She wants the same thing.

"What are you going to do then?" She asks just as Nova walks into the room. She gives one hardy bark before walking circles around her doggy bed and then flopping down.

"I'm going to bide time."

To do that, Jay takes a nice picture of Nova lying in her doggy bed. And it's no surprise that an adorable dog gets a bunch of likes and what's even less surprising is that people comment and call him out for being absent from social media for weeks. All of his fans know he has a dog –that wasn't news- but what seems to be the talk of his comment section is the background; it's a balcony with the curtains drawn that show a view of the water and some of his fans have vowed to find out where in Chicago he lives because to find out about Jay's personal life is to appease his entire fan base along with paparazzi and reporters. They were savages and they weren't going to stop until they had answers that he obviously wasn't going to give.

-x-

Erin likes to think she has everything in order. And now that her 16 week baby bump is more pronounced and noticeable, she finds herself grateful that the public doesn't know she's married to an A-list celebrity because there's no way to hide her stomach. She's four months pregnant, and they've stalled long enough when it comes to telling their friends and loved ones.

It's no rush to announce it. She kind of enjoys it staying between them.

Everything in the dark will eventually come to the light though. If only they took their time and planned it out more thoroughly then mistakes probably wouldn't have been made.

Jay's on the phone with his brother and what they were discussing, Erin didn't know. She's too consumed with hopping up and down; trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans she's had pre-pregnancy. She's paying him no mind, not even when he decides to post a photo of her taken a day ago, cradling her baby bump in front of the balcony view in their second story home. He captioned it –my two heartbeats- referring to hers and the baby growing inside of her.

"It's done," he puts the phone back to his ear, "I posted it and typed a little caption," his words catch her attention and Erin dives for her cell phone, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"We were supposed to do it weeks ago. Between my personal account and yours, we have a few hundred followers between us. I'm just letting them know."

Erin opens up the app, "Did you tag me in it?" She sees the notification and that gives her an answer before he does, "Yeah." He places his cell on speaker, "Go ahead Will."

"where was I…oh this patient came in pale in the face, sunken eyes, blood around his mouth and the first thing I think is he's a zombie," Will laughs at his own ridiculousness, "but then-"

"…JAY!" Erin shouts, interrupting her brother-in-law's story. She throws her phone at her husband and marches over to him, "have you lost your mind?" She poked him in the chest.

"Ouch," he growls, rubbing the sore spot, "What's wrong with you?"

"Me? I'm not the one who posted that picture to the wrong fucking account!"

" _Fuck_ …" she hears Will mutter from the other end. He's scrambling to grab his phone and when he loads up his brother's profile, he sees over one million people have already liked it in the ten minutes that it has been posted, " _Fuck_ Jay!"

"I…I can delete it," he goes for his phone to load up the app.

"It's still too late," Erin whispers and the stupid hormones have her on the verge of tears; she grabs her phone off the floor, "and look at this," she turns her phone around, "all of these people are sending me follow requests! You tagged me!"

She tightens her grip around her cell before storming off, out of the room and down the stairs. The two of them were supposed to head out for dinner but she suddenly lost her appetite; she didn't want to go out now that the world knew their favorite movie star was not only in a relationship but expecting a baby. She wants a drink but the swell of her stomach reminds her that she's in no condition to take a sip, "Shit!" She kicks the back of the couch and it sends an ache up her leg.

Erin has no control over the tears falling from her eyes. She's powerless to the amount of follow requests and friend notifications that come to her phone. Her phone starts to ring soon, it's her husband's agent, she presses ignore. Ruzek calls next and she waits for it to go to voicemail. She knew why they were calling and she was in no mood to discuss it.

"Babe," she overhears her husband whisper as he slowly walks into the living room, "Er," he stoops down to be eye level with her as she sits on the floor with her back up against the back of the couch, "I am so sorry. I was distracted and I know that's not an excuse, but babe," he takes a deep breath because he honestly doesn't know what to say. He can't take this back.

He takes a seat next to her; his shoulder brushing against hers, "I should have protected the both of you better than I have been," he says, withdrawing his phone from his pocket. He opens the app; he goes to the photo and he sees thousands of comments under the picture, "I wish there was something I could do."

He opens the streams of comments to find an overflow of congratulations and well wishes to him from other celebrities, from people who have worked behind the scenes on previous movies he's starred in and from fans. He notices that a majority of the comments question the identification of the woman and since she's tagged in the photo, they notice that she has the same last name as him and makes the accurate assumption that she's his wife. He knows that if he were to turn on celebrity news, they would be the talk of the entertainment industry. No one, and that's a literal statement, no one saw this coming.

Jay deletes the photo.

Jay wraps his arm around her and pulls her into his side.

Jay apologizes again. He feels so bad.

Knowing that her public life was about to change and it was all his fault left a heavy burden over his heart. He couldn't rewind time and prevent himself from doing this. He couldn't snap his fingers and make everyone forget the last hour. He was stuck and powerless and that was the hardest position to ever be in, "I love you," he kisses the side of her head and holds his lips against her temple as he whispers, "and we'll get through this together."

-x-

Neither of them left the comforts of their home, the protection of their gated community since the accidental, public announcement of their most beloved kept secret. Knowing that the security guard at the front gate will not allow anyone who either does not live in the neighborhood or has not received guest approval from someone who does past the gate was comforting enough. She was guarded. And even if someone managed to slip through, Jay always answered the door. And maybe it was out of guilt or protection but he never once wavered in rushing to the front door and throwing it open, ready to give whoever was on the other side a piece of his mind. It was always people they knew or delivery men delivering packages or food.

It's been weeks since it was announced. Yet, entertainment sites and celebrity news channels still talked about it. Erin couldn't stop watching it no matter how upset it made her. Who do they think they are? To imply that she purposely got pregnant to get money from him enraged her and if it wasn't for Jay taking her phone away, she would have posted something that will forever be out in the realm of social media. To say her child is probably one of many because they assume she's not the first person to be knocked up by him has her face growing red. The rumors that surround her innocent baby are disgusting. She didn't care if people talked about her, they could do that all day and night, it's when they talk about her baby that she draws the line.

Some of his so called fans referred to her baby as his bastard kid. Some of them even referred to their bundle of joy as a mistake or a weight that'll just hold him down.

She should be enjoying her pregnancy. She shouldn't be paranoid and afraid to step outside of her home.

She's a woman, creating and nurturing a life inside of her. If she could do that then she could do anything. Erin had hid long enough. They couldn't hide forever, especially since this week, the twentieth week of her pregnancy –five months in total- meant they were going to find out the gender of their baby. And baby comes first, always and forever, and no one and nothing will come between her and that doctor's appointment.

-x-

It's a girl.

They're having a baby girl.

And for a moment, the two of them forget about the media, his fans and the paparazzi. For a split second, they're able to focus on their little one, their little girl as their doctor prints out a few copies of the sonogram. She has tears in her eyes, ones that she's ready to blame on her hormones, but in reality, it's fresh tears, ones that came from the heart because this moment, with Jay's hand intertwined with hers and his lips peppering kisses against her forehead, there is no way possible that she could _not_ cry.

They're having a little girl.

Jay squeezes her hand, it's as if he can hear her thoughts, "Are you happy?" He asks even though he knows the answer to that question. She can't even speak; her throat is dry and she fears that if she opens her mouth, she'll just burst into tears. This is the best day of her life and there's nothing that can take away from this moment.

…not even the crowd that formed outside of the hospital.

It's raining and she has the hood of her sweater pulled over her head. Her hand is held tightly in her husband's grip and he holds it up against his chest as he leads her through the crowd of fans and paparazzi all shouting questions about the health and the gender of their little one. A few bold people in the group even take it upon themselves to shout insults or ask questions in regards to his relationship with the woman on his arm, his wife.

She tries to stay happy. She struggles to stay positive. But, everyone is so loud, demanding and entitled, acting as if either of them owe them anything. Jay chose the public eye. Erin didn't. Jay chose the lifestyle of a celebrity, Erin didn't. He helped her into the back of the truck and once he shut the door, he turned to face the crowd, "We would appreciate it if we could have some privacy during this time," he diplomatically says, "as you all know this is a very special occasion and Erin and I truly want to enjoy it and celebrate it alone. Thank you." It was his first public statement since the photo was uploaded. He reopens the door and slides in after she slides down the seat and buckles herself in.

He shuts the door and she mutters, "I doubt they listen."

"I'm sorry," he can't help but to apologize again because he feels like it's his fault, "this is supposed to be a special moment for us, a private one and we can't even go to our doctor's appointment without a crowd forming."

Neither of them can go anywhere without a crowd. Erin decides to hide out in the house again. She would rather hide out in her home than venture out into the public and be subjected to people who couldn't care any less about her. She looks out the window, even as he moves closer to her, "Just give it a few more days to die down and then we'll try it again. We'll go out."

-x-

Erin googles him. That's mistake number one. But, in her defense, she can't help it. Jay was the guest star on a local radio show and they asked him about the woman in his life.

She knew they were going to ask him that. Jay knew too. He came to her when he was made aware that it'll be a question brought up during the interview and he asked her how should he answer. She simply told him, in a zombie-like trance because after that interview then it'll definitely be no more hiding; she told him to be honest yet vague.

And that's what he did. _We heard you're expecting a baby, congratulations._ She turns up the radio and she bites her lip as he replies, _thank you, thank you, we're definitely excited._ She has Ruzek on speaker phone, and she's texting Jay's agent, Mouse, who is at the radio station with her husband. He's providing her live updates as she listens in.

 _We also see you're wearing a wedding ring._

Jay dry chuckles. He's nervous; it's a bit awkward. Now Erin's starting to sweat and she doesn't know if it's a symptom of pregnancy or if it's just because she's worried.

"Calm down Erin," Ruzek proclaims because he knows her almost as well as her husband does, "all that worrying cannot be good for my little niece." She rolls her eyes and prepares to respond when Jay finally comments back to the radio host's observation.

 _Yeah, uh, I'm married._

 _I guess congratulations are in order for that too._

 _It's a little late but yeah…_

 _How late?_

Now this is the moment that Erin holds her breath and decides to google. The results load up pretty quick and there's articles that have been published in the last few minutes, and wow, reporters work really fast because her husband had _just_ announced that he's off the market and a married man. How is it possible that they have already released the announcement as breaking news? Is there really nothing else going on in the world? Is there nothing else that reporters can talk about? Erin rolls her eyes and begrudgingly clicks on the first link that popped up.

 _I've been married long before I was famous, long before anyone knew the name Jay Halstead._

… _but this is the first time we see you wearing a wedding ring?_

 _I keep my personal life and my professional life separate. I keep my personal life private._

Erin curses under her breath after skimming the first article, "This is fucking trash," and she knows if Ruzek can see her now, his eyes would be as wide as saucers and he wouldn't be breathing; he could never get used to her cursing, "seriously Ruz, you've known me for how long, you should be used to it at this point."

"What caused such a strong reaction?"

She sighs and turns down the radio when she hears Jay change the conversation, "There's a whole array of articles about Jay's secret wife including all sorts of speculation about why he kept our relationship a secret." She hears Ruzek moving and she knows that he's googling her husband's name now; he whistles under his breath, "Wow, people are creative."

"I swear the internet is full of a bunch of investigators," Erin replied and she stopped responding to Mouse's text messages ever since Jay changed the conversation; she just wanted him to tell Jay that he did a good job and she wasn't mad at the answers he gave, "seriously Ruzek, how do they find all this information? All of these sites accurately claim that we've been married since we were 20, that's true, but how do they know that?"

"…public records," Adam simply answers. She sighs. "Erin, how long are you going to hide?"

She shrugs because she forgets that he can't see her, "I can't hide forever," Erin whispers and she doesn't realize that the radio interview is over until she gets a text from her husband, letting her know that he'll pick up dinner on his way home, "but I can hide for right now."

-x-

And she does. She hides for a good few weeks until she starts to go stir crazy, needing fresh air and contact with people other than her husband.

It's a few minutes after her and Jay discuss baby names. He googles a list, and she kind of gets irritated because she doesn't think he's taking it seriously. He has his cheek pressed against where their baby is resting, "…Emily," he says and she immediately shakes her head. He sits up.

"There are too many Emilys in the world already," Erin remarks; she lays in the bed, watching him as he gets dressed. Now that she's 24 weeks pregnant and showing, he's starting work, filming the pilot episode of the new detective series he's joined, "we need something common but not too common. You know?" No, he doesn't know because every name he said, she turned it down. She didn't want Caitlyn or Katherine or Abigail or Mia. And he didn't want the names that she offered, Grace or Hope or Faith or Joy. There was a pattern in those names but they did agree for Grace to be her middle name so that's progress.

Erin rolls over onto her side, hand falling to her round baby bump, "What about Erin?"

He pauses for a second to look at her from over his shoulder, "That's your name."

"She can be a junior," Erin shrugs, "We can call her EJ for short."

"No," he says and he leaves it at that but she's prepared to argue it even though she would never give her kid her exact name.

"…and why not? Guys can have juniors but females can't?"

"I'm not saying that," he's putting on his shoes and she's wasting time by having a pointless argument, "I'm just saying, I know you, and I know you want her to have her own identity which is why we agreed not to name her after anyone that we know."

She grumbles, which sounds like a growl, "I guess…but still, my argument stands. We can have juniors just like guys can have juniors." And if he knows what's good for him, he wouldn't debate this. She's pregnant, uncomfortable and hormonal and while she doesn't have time for many things, she's always willing to make time for an argument.

"You're right," he gives in without a second thought; there's very little hesitation, "and we can finish this conversation later. We both can think of a few more names and discuss them when I get home," he walks over to the side of the bed and plants a kiss to her lips, "I know you're planning to leave out today but if I may make a suggestion," she nods and he continues, "take someone with you just in case the savages recognize you and attack."

"Is that any way to talk about your fans? The ones that keep you gainfully employed."

"…What they don't know won't hurt them," He gives her another kiss again before he's off to tackle his first day. He hasn't been in many tv shows; he's never been a main character of one, he's only guest starred in a few over the years so this is a new experience in itself and it's one that he hopes he can master because a lot is riding on this.

He needs to keep up the steady stream of income.

And he needs to stay in Chicago, especially now that he's expecting a baby. There's no way he's leaving his wife again, not now, not anytime soon, not ever.

Erin hears the front door shut and she gets out of bed. Walking barefoot across the hall to enter the room they recently emptied out that'll become the nursery, she steps inside and her toes curl into the plush white carpet they recently had put in. She hears Nova enter the room, "Hey girl," she greets her dog and the golden retriever rolls over onto her back, "you want your belly rubbed," and just as Erin bends over to rub it, she hears the doorbell ring, "Jay must have forgotten his key," she grumbles because over the years they've been together and the endless amount of times that she forgot her key and got a lot of slack for it from him, it seems the tides are now turning.

Nova is barking. And as Erin gets closer to the door, she starts growling.

"Calm down Nov," Erin chuckles as she starts to unlock the door, "There's always a first time for everything and-" the second she opens the door, there's a microphone being shoved in her face, questions thrown in her direction and Nova running through her legs and biting at the reporter's ankle. He screams. Nova is still growling even as her teeth sink into the flesh of the reporter and now he's waving the microphone around as he shouts expletives and Erin tries to grab Nova by her collar but the reporter is manic and waving the device around erratically and she's trying really hard not to get hit in the face by it.

"Nova, stop! Down girl, down!"

The reporter trips and falls and Nova stops biting him but she stays in front of Erin, growling at the man as if he still posed a threat. The camera guy isn't recording. His camera is somewhere in the grass since he's busy trying to help his coworker up. And Erin is frozen in place, hands holding her stomach as Nova continues to bark, "Be quiet Nova," she reprimands, "go back into the house." She's not surprised to find that her dog didn't listen.

"Get that mutt away from me," the reporter exclaimed, hands cupping his ankle as he lies out dramatically on the ground.

"You're at her home, she has more right to be here than you."

Erin steps back inside her home and shuts the door once Nova returns. She realizes in the moment that she locks the door that she hadn't taken a breath since the microphone was shoved in her face and whether it's the pregnancy hormones or not, she starts to cry. She changes her mind about leaving today.

-x-

"Baby," the door is slammed shut once he gets home.

And Erin hadn't left the same spot since the incident. She's crying. Nova is curled up into her side. She didn't sign up for this. Pregnancy is already tough, she doesn't need the added stress from desperate reporters wanting stories and headlines and paparazzi wanting photographs.

Jay knows what happened. She called him right after the incident occurred. He got home as soon as he could and now that he's climbing the stairs, two at a time, and rushing towards the nursery, he feels guilt and shame overwhelm his body. This is just another thing he feels responsible for.

"I'm so sorry," he pleads, finding her sitting on the floor, back resting against the wall. He gets down on all fours and crawls towards her, "I should have been here. I should have done something. I spoke with the security guard at the front gate and he thinks they got in during shift change but that's not an excuse and I'm going to make sure someone answers for this."

Erin sniffs, "I'm fine." He knows she is but still…this shouldn't have happened.

"…baby."

"I'm fine, Jay. Nova bit him the second I opened the door."

"She deserves a treat for that," he smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I gave her the whole box." He didn't know if she was joking or not but he laughed.

"Baby," he gently grabs her chin and angles her head up enough so she can meet his eyes, "I'm going to make sure that this doesn't happen again."

"I don't ever want to release a photo of her. I don't want any of them knowing her name. I want them as distant and as faraway from our baby as possible."

He can agree to that. If it makes Erin happy, if it stops the tears from falling out of her eyes and if it guarantees that they can catch a little break, then he'll give her whatever she wants.

"If you don't want to release anything, we won't."

She nods, "Good," she wipes her eyes.

"Are you hurt?" His hands fall to her belly when she shakes her head, "and what about the baby? Any pain? Any discomfort? Come on let's get you to bed and I'll make your favorite comfort food and give you a foot massage."

"I really am fine, Jay."

"Just humor me, Erin." And she did.

-x-

Since the incident, Erin hadn't left the house. No one could really blame her though because weeks ago when she actually felt like she could venture out into the world, the reporter paid a visit and now…now she enjoys the comfort of her home. She's online shopping. And many packages have shown up recently, all with items for the nursery. It's all smaller items because the bigger things she wants to get in person. She wants to get the best of the best for her little one.

…when she can actually face the outside world again. She's a bit shook. She saw the headline hours later after the incident and the public is split, some defending her and some defending the reporter. Jay tells her to ignore it but that's easier said than done.

She's twenty-eight weeks. Seven total months pregnant and with her hiding out in her home, it makes the days go by slow. She doesn't want to go out but the closer she gets to her due date, the more reason she has to leave. She needs to buy a crib among a few other necessities. So when the team decorates the nursery for her and then offer to accompany her to the store, she doesn't hesitate to accept. With a band of cops supporting and protecting her, she's more confident that either no one will notice her or try to bother her.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

She shakes her head and then kisses his lips, "If you come then it's guaranteed that we'll be noticed, right now, it's 50/50 for me." And it's more like 75/25…and she isn't noticed but that's probably more so because the unit literally has her surrounded and she only goes to one store –the baby store that she used for her registry- and Erin buys the best of the best and sets up a day that Jay will be home for every item to be delivered to the house.

She treats them all to dinner because it's the least she can do. And at night, while cuddled up into her husband's side, she talks about every item she bought as she swipes through pictures of the furniture she got for the nursery. Their little girl is going to be so spoiled and so loved that it's going to be ridiculous. And if this is the first night that Erin falls asleep without worrying about raising the child of a celebrity then she'll count that as a blessing.

-x-

The nursery furniture is all delivered when she's thirty weeks pregnant and the only help Erin can offer is directing the delivery men on where to drop the furniture.

She isn't expected to help put it all together. That's what Jay and Adam are for. She can barely see her feet so she knows that trying to screw a nail into a piece of furniture would only prove to be more difficult than what it actually is. She has pregnancy brain. And on more than one occasion she has found her keys in the freezer or her cell phone in the cabinet so if Jay doesn't want her keeping track of all the parts of the crib or the dresser then she can truly understand why. Instead, she's asked to be on refreshment duty and Erin definitely has no problem with it.

The nursery is finished when she's thirty-two weeks pregnant. And to celebrate, Erin goes outside, with her husband and her very overprotective dog. They walk Nova, hand in hand with the leash wrapped around Jay's free hand, "Isn't this nice?"

"Yeah, I missed this. I missed moments like this."

He leans over and brushes his lips against her forehead, "We should do this more often."

"We should" she agrees, "because it says a lot that there's paparazzi in the bushes sneaking pictures and I'm not even crying or complaining about it." Jay follows her line of sight. He didn't see them at first, but leave it to his detective wife to notice things like that.

The guy was in the bushes. And he wasn't doing that great of a job sneaking pictures.

"Hey," Jay shouted and the tone of his voice sent chills through the man's body; he wasn't playing, "get out of here," he lets go of his wife's hand and hands her the leash as he starts to cross the street in their neighborhood, "I said get the fuck out of here! Are you hard of hearing?" He grabs the man and yanks him out of the bush, smirking devilishly when the camera falls to the cement ground and breaks, "Oops."

He hears Erin calling his name. He ignores her. Not on purpose but the guy he's holding in his grip is frustrating him to no end by complaining about his camera. Jay reaches for it and ejects the memory card, "Since pictures of me and my wife are on here, this now belongs to me." He hands the broken camera back before walking away, "If I catch you in the bushes again, I'm calling the police. I bet your employers won't be too happy with you if they have to bail you out of jail." He crosses the street again

"You know you didn't have to do that."

"I'm surprised you're not more upset," he wraps his arms around her waist, resting them on her wide hips, "I thought all of this bothered you."

"It does," she nods, "but I think I'm slowly getting used to it and by slowly, I mean very slowly, but your career isn't going anywhere so I'm trying to get used to it. I can't be in the house all the time, especially with a kid." He kisses her, on a very public sidewalk and he's so relieved that the guy's camera broke and the memory card is in his pocket because the show that they're giving, the kiss he laid upon her would have definitely paid his rent for the next few months.

-x-

At thirty-six weeks into her pregnancy, Erin decides to take control. She's tired of being afraid and isolated behind the walls of her home. She goes on walks around the neighborhood with Nova but as far as leaving the gates of her gated community, she has yet to take that step.

Today, she will though because if she has to stare at the same walls for another second she's going to scream. She wants to go out. She wants to put on a nice dress and have dinner at a place that'll serve the meal to her. She doesn't want delivery and she doesn't feel like cooking.

She's taking control. She's no longer hiding. And even when they walk into the restaurant and everyone in the room stares, she finds herself holding her head up high and following Jay towards the table the establishment reserved for them.

He pulls out her chair for her and helps her down, "How do you feel?"

"…hungry," she answers, lifting up the menu and skimming the appetizers and main dishes.

"I meant about being here."

"Oh," she says, slowly lowering the menu to glance at him, "Nervous, a bit overwhelmed, anxious and a little perturbed. People won't stop staring."

He reaches to hold her hand across the table, "Want me to say something?"

"No, no, that's the last thing I want you to do . That'll just draw more attention and more headlines."

"Want to order our food to-go?"

"No, I want to do this. I'm fine babe. No need to worry."

That's easier said than done. He's not going to stop worrying.

It's no secret that people are taking pictures and posting them online. Some are bold enough to turn the flash on when taking a photo in the dim-lighted environment. Some people are even bolder because they approach him for photos and autographs and he complies –with her permission- and signs a few napkins and takes a few pictures at least until their food comes.

"I don't know how far along you are but based on your size, I'm assuming you're expecting more than one. Is it twins maybe? Or triplets?"

And Erin immediately looks at her husband, giving him a warning glare because if he doesn't get that woman away from the table then she's going to cause a scene and probably go into early labor in the middle of the restaurant. Jay ushers her away without taking a photo or signing a napkin.

With the other fans, Jay agrees to the photos but he doesn't agree to answer any questions about his baby. He's not telling anyone the gender, the name they picked out or when she's due to arrive. That topic is his most precious and that topic is off limits. He returns to the table after walking the woman away and he finds his wife picking at her vegetables, "Do I really look that big?"

"No," he immediately answers, "you're pregnant. You're looking the right size."

"You don't know that. Oh gosh, it looks like I have more than one kid inside me. This is what happens when you order out more than once a week! I told you we should start cooking more often," she grumbles but it doesn't stop her from eating the rest of the food on her plate.

Halstead opens his mouth to respond in an effort to soothe her but another couple approaches. He's prepared to turn them away because his main girl always came first but they walk up to his wife and he's a bit confused about where this is all heading, "I just want to say that you look gorgeous," a younger woman complimented and Jay makes a mental note to wave their waiter down and offer to pay for their food, "that's all really. You can never hear too many compliments so I just wanted you to know how beautiful you look and as a mother of three myself, you don't look big. You look healthy and happy and that's all the requirements a mother-to-be should have when she's creating life. Congratulations to the both of you on your bundle of joy," the woman finishes and she doesn't even bother to ask for an autograph.

Maybe she was just a kind soul who wasn't a fan and was doing this out of the kindness of her heart? Both he and Erin reply with their thanks. The woman gives Erin a squeeze on the shoulder before following her husband over towards their seats. Erin is speechless. And suddenly, she kicks him from under the table, "Ow!"

"Why can't all of your fans be like that?"

He shrugs, "Majority of them are," he reminds because out of everyone who approached the table, it was only the one that slid in a passive-aggressive insult that stood out, "people find you beautiful and I've been saying that since I met you, so, it just goes to show that I'm one lucky guy." She smiles because she finds him charming.

And a few more people approach the table while they're eating dessert. No one comments on her pregnancy but everyone comments on how handsome of a couple they are and how happy they are for him. Some even admit that they like him more now that they know the original headlines of him being a bachelor and playboy were all fictional and created by the media. It's nice to get congratulations and compliments from strangers. And it's even sweeter when those same strangers give their well wishes for a happy and healthy baby.

"I'm sorry about that." He says when the last fan walks away from the table.

She smiles abashedly, "I'm not. You have to stop apologizing. It was actually nice to see you interact with your fans." He forgot that this is the first time she's truly seen him in his element, talking with his fans and the people who have supported his career. "It was nice to see this side of you."

-x-

Even though fans cannot get in to their gated community, it doesn't stop them from sending gifts and the sweetest thing about it is they're all unisex gifts for the baby. It's drawings, it's knitted onesies, it's homemade socks, hats and scarves and everything is just so creative and maybe this is a perk of being a celebrity.

Erin reserves a cubby in the nursery for all of the materials that his fans send. One fan's gift even makes it to the wall of the nursery, she orders Jay to hang it the second he comes home tired and bruised from set. It's a framed, painted photo of her and Jay and she's very much pregnant in it. And even Nova made the picture. It's her favorite thing ever and she starts to love his fans for it.

It's an accurate representation of their current life. And she loves it. She kisses him the second it's hanging above the dresser, "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to post one photo, you know, so your fans can be aware of the major milestones in your life."

And Jay deems that as progress. Slow steps forward, but there are no complaints from him because at least they're going forward.

-x-

The name comes to her when her water breaks at thirty-eight weeks. And despite days of planning, neither of them are prepared for the day of their baby's arrival.

Jay is at work when he gets the call. Erin is hanging in the living room with Ruzek and Burgess when it actually happens and she gets an official lift to the hospital from her closest friends. The sirens blaring. They definitely drove over the speed limit. Jay meets her there; he actually gets there first and he's sweaty and pacing near the emergency doors. He's with his brother and Will has a wheelchair ready and waiting for her.

She feels crazy when she laughs as she's helped out of the car and into the chair but in her defense the contractions haven't officially started yet and she's trying to enjoy her last few hopefully minutes of being pregnant.

-x-

She comes into the world on a Friday night, in the middle of autumn, screaming her lungs and demanding the attention of everyone in the hospital room. And unfortunately labor doesn't last for minutes, it lasts for 14 hours.

She's carried over to the side of the hospital room where she's cleaned and measured and Erin waves for Jay to follow, not wanting their daughter to be alone for one second. He counts each finger and each toe more than a hundred times as she cries against the scale; her warm naked body cold against the metal slab of the device that's calculating her weight.

She's 6 pounds and 9 ounces of perfection. She's small and precious and just as sweet as a little bundle of joy can be. And when she's swaddled in a white, hospital baby blanket and placed into her mommy's arms, it feels like all is right in the world. Her baby's cry was music to their ears and amidst all the high emotions, Erin started to cry too.

They're both so in love with their little girl. Their little Sophia Halstead added another spark of perfection to this imperfect world.

And on this day, to commemorate the celebration of his baby's birth, he doesn't hesitate to take a picture of her tiny hand wrapped around his pointer finger and when he posts it, with permission from his wife, with the caption, _my heart is now outside of my body, happy birthday sweet girl,_ he isn't surprised to learn that it eventually becomes the most liked, retweeted and reblogged photo on social media. It doesn't even show her face, only her hand, and he hopes that it provides all of his fans with warmth in their hearts knowing that their favorite movie star was now the happiest man on the planet.

-x-

Two days later she's discharged from the hospital; she's wheeled out in a wheelchair because apparently that's hospital policy and she has her little Sophia swaddled in a blanket and comfortably resting in her arms as Jay pushes the chair out of the building. Her hand shields the baby's face, protecting her eyes from the camera flashes and protecting her face from paparazzi trying to get the first photo of their baby and sell it to the magazine that's willing to pay the most. She covers her kid. Her face practically resting against Sophia's because there is no way Erin is allowing anyone to taint this by selling her kid's picture for thousands of dollars.

"Get the hell out of the way," Jay is shouting at the paparazzi –and some of his fans that had shown up- and Erin appreciated his protective instinct that had only tripled since the birth of their baby but she realizes that once she gets home, she needs to order the most expensive noise-cancelling headphones for babies because while she's protecting Sophia's eyes from the bright flashes, there isn't much she can do to protect her little ears from the fans screaming their love for Jay, the paparazzi screaming questions, requesting to know the baby's name, and Jay screaming at all of them to back away or lower their voices.

This would have been harder to do if it wasn't for her team because they were definitely outnumbered and she didn't bring her gun. That goes against hospital policy apparently, but she's kind of thankful for it because she definitely would have used it and her biggest concern after definitely injuring someone would be if her baby's ears are okay after the sound of gunfire. It would all be a result of that protective streak she kept hearing about from other mothers.

"Come on guys," Jay took on a different approach when he moved in front of the locked wheelchair; he couldn't get too far because they were surrounded, "it's really early, we're tired , it's a little cold out here and we have a baby. Have some compassion," and he doesn't know if his words alone would have worked because their village, aka her team, showed up with the lights flashing and sirens on and their flashing their badges and threatening people to back away unless they want to be arrested for harassment and child endangerment.

That seems to do the trick. With the help of her team, they surround her and guard her and her baby with every ounce of love they have for little Halstead. Paparazzi failed to sneak a photo of the baby's face, so, operation get out of the hospital without a leak of their baby's face was an absolute success. Sophia remained warm and she didn't cry one time during the ride home from the hospital. Maybe it was because her mother was sitting right beside her in the backseat, toying with her little hand and making sure the pacifier didn't fall out of her mouth? Or maybe it was because she slept the entire ride home and Jay went the long way which made the 20 minute drive turn into a half an hour drive just so he could avoid speed bumps and traffic –which probably meant honking horns and vulgarities being shouted out the window.

"Operation get baby home safe and sound is a success," Erin whispered the second Jay sets the car seat down on the dining room table and now that they're alone, no team, no hospital staff, no one, that's when it all starts setting in, "Okay…"

The two of them stare down at their sleeping baby as Jay whispers, "Now what?"

-x-

Nova falls in love with little Sophia the second she lays her eyes upon her. She sleeps near her; she follows around whoever is holding her and she growls when there's an unrecognizable face at the door, -most of the time it's just delivery men.

Erin finds that this experience –pregnancy and post-pregnancy- is the biggest change her body has ever experienced. Puberty hormones are nothing in comparison and that says a lot because puberty for Erin started early and hit her pretty hard especially considering she didn't have a mother in the picture to guide her. She has the two week old baby held in one arm; her head resting in the crook of Erin's arm and her hand is holding her husband as he leads her to their bedroom. He walked in on her sitting on the couch, breastfeeding and dozing off.

"I'm fine now Jay, I just needed a powernap," she tries to explain but she doesn't think he's listening because he's so busy propping up several pillows against the headboard, "I'm up now; that long blink definitely helped fight the exhaustion." He's still not listening. He's helping her get into the bed and the two of them manage to do it without moving or disturbing the baby.

Sophia isn't asleep. She's awake, eyes open and she's silently resting in her mother's arms. Content, oh, she's so content, but the second she's put down, that content turns into disruption and she starts wailing as if she was hurt.

Nova is at the foot of the bed. She ignores her doggy bed over in the corner of the room because she needed eyes on Sophia at all times.

"Where's your phone?" She hadn't realized that Jay changed into pajamas, "I tried calling you like five times. I figured your phone died but I didn't see it on the charger in the bathroom." He lifts up her feet and takes a seat before lowering them down onto his lap.

"…it's not dead; I turned it off."

He starts massaging the muscles in her feet, starting at the base and working his way up to her toes before moving back down to the base again. It felt like heaven. And she knows that he just came from set and he was probably tired from performing his own stunts but she was tired too because taking care of a baby was a 24 hour job and she didn't get lunch breaks.

"When are you going to turn it back on?"

She shrugs and the baby makes a noise, "I don't know," she's being honest, "every time my phone is on, I get a bunch of notifications from social media. I just want to enjoy this a little longer. I'm not ready to share her with the world yet."

One muscle at a time started to relax in her feet, and his hands were definitely magical, she couldn't help but groan in appreciation and that disrupted the baby too. Sophia ran the household. Erin was on her schedule, not the other way around, and maybe she should change that because according to one of the many baby books she read, the sooner she gets the baby on a schedule then the better for all of them.

"I get that but," the tender expression on his face squeezes her heart and she knows that she'll agree to whatever he wants, "I still want you to share her with me." Now that confuses her and he can tell that just by the look on her face, "I mean…it's hard being at work when you're here with her and the first few days I was back, you sent me photos and now, I don't get them anymore."

The cadence of his voice made her already imbalanced hormones tip and tears filled her eyes and when she looked down, she saw Sophia was asleep, sucking on the clear pacifier. And Erin moves, pulling her feet off her husband's lap and reaching over to lay the baby in her bassinet before tugging for him to join her onto the bed, "I'm sorry," she says and curls into his embrace, "I didn't realize how much you actually look forward to the daily updates and pictures," she whispers and Nova jumps off the bed and moves to lay beside the bassinet, "I'll turn my phone back on and send you a shitload of pictures to make up for the week I've been slacking."

Erin felt Jay's body relax little by little as she tightened her hold around him and cuddled into his chest, "You're getting buffer," she presses a kiss against his chest, "these muscles are a huge turn on and if the baby wasn't so close..." her statement implies everything and he's laughing because the two of them know that none of that is true because she's not allowed to have sex, at least for six weeks, and between that, her imbalanced hormones and taking care of a newborn baby, she's all over the place mentally, physically, sexually and emotionally.

-x-

Sophia goes down for a nap, and Jay goes down on Erin, her face covered by a pillow so she doesn't make any loud noises and wake up her sleeping baby in the room right across the hall. It was highly recommended that they wait at least six weeks before being able to have intercourse again, but the second the doctor gave them the green light, Erin was barely through the door before her husband had her in his arms again. She had just gotten the baby down for a nap before his lips were at her neck, biting and kissing against her flesh and once Soph was safely slumbering in her crib, Jay wasted no time in picking his wife up and carrying her to their bedroom. It was a long time coming and it did not disappoint.

"I love you so much," Erin whispers a little over an hour later when they're lounging on the couch in the living room, her head lying in his lap and the baby is sitting on her stomach, back and head resting against Erin's bent knees, "Thank you for all of this, for everything and for my… for my baby. She's everything." And Jay has no reason to disagree when all that she has said is the absolute, whole-hearted truth.

He looks down at her, and at some point, he started running his hand over her head, "I love you too," he replies, blue eyes shining in the same way that Sophia's do, "there's no way I'd be who I am today, there's no way I'd have the career I have now and there's definitely no way that Soph would be in my life if it wasn't for you, and uh, I don't know what I'd do without you. You mean so much to us," he smiles towards the baby, "and our girl is so lucky to have a mom like you."

Jay leans down and gives her lips a chaste kiss.

-x-

Sophia doesn't like it when Jay goes to work, and if Erin is being honest with herself, then she's a little jealous by it. The baby absolutely loses it, so much so, that Erin feels forced to take her to visit daddy's set. She's lucky that her maternity leave grants her time to spend with her little one and she doesn't need to hire a nanny in the foreseeable future because she's devoted to spending as much time with her baby and when she does eventually go back to work, she's planning to sign out a state official laptop in order to perform desk duty assignments at home.

She's not ready to go back into the field again. She doesn't know when she'll be ready but for right now, she's content with looking into those blue eyes as she sits in her husband's trailer, waiting for him to finish filming his current scene, "I heard my favorite ladies paid me a visit," he steps inside the trailer and he finds that it's way over capacity; there's staff members all flooded and crowded inside passing his baby around and cooing in her face as she appears to be overwhelmed by the number of arms that hold her and faces that appear in front of her.

"She missed you again," Erin simply says. And Sophia has calmed down a bit, fortunately, but just at the sight of her daddy, she starts squirming because she wants her dad and she wants him now. The sniffles start to get louder and come more frequently and Erin knows that only means she's about to burst into tears if she doesn't do something.

Jay is called to his next scene before he has the chance to hold his kid. He feels guilty. All he's able to do is rub the top of Sophia's blonde hair and kiss his wife before he's practically dragged out of his trailer. Sophia stretches her arms out and leans towards her mother, desperately seeking a familiar face in a crowd of strangers, "Here you go," she slips the pacifier in the baby's mouth and that provides enough comfort to hold her over as they venture out of the trailer and into the cool spring breeze.

She follows Jay's costar into the building, smiling and nodding towards the director as she stands in the back of the room that's set up to mimic the bullpen at a police department. Sophia rests on her hip and the second she spots her daddy, she automatically reaches her hands forward to try and get out of her grasp and into Jay's. He's talking. He's acting. He's pretending that he doesn't hear her and once his few lines are out of the way and the director announces that it's the end of the scene, Jay nods and crooks his finger at his wife to let her know it's okay to approach.

The closer Sophia gets to her dad, the happier she becomes and while Erin moves through the staff and other actors, all smiling and waving at the few month old baby in her arms, Jay moves in closer to meet them halfway. He grins, holding out his hands and cupping them beneath the baby's underarms before scooping her up. She smiles, she laughs and he blows bubbles into the crook of her neck, earning a few louder, innocent baby giggles.

-x-

Erin has always wanted to keep precious family moments private, but it's one moment that she cannot help but to share. It's two weeks later when it happens; Jay finds his name trending on all social media platforms. And when he walks through the door, he finds the baby sitting in a jumparoo bouncing up and down, giggling, and playing with the supply of toys connected to the fisher-price toy, and she looks absolutely adorable. What little blonde hair she has is up in a tiny little ponytail held together by a white ribbon and a few strands of hair peek out.

He drops the bag of food he picked up on his way home. He kicked off his shoes and goes to check out why his name is trending. It's related to his kid. And he notices a video posted to his wife's account, tagging him in the video that was recorded a few weeks ago.

This whole time she's been debating whether or not to post it, whether or not to allow the world access into her private life. And even though her account is still private and she still only has friends and family members following her, she doesn't mind Jay posting photos of their little one as long as her face isn't shown. It was a compromise. And the video, he had to admit, was absolutely adorable and he completely understood why the battle between posting it or not posting it had went in the direction of the former.

Her five little toes and her tiny little feet made her parents swoon. He couldn't stop counting each precious toe and peppering kisses against the base of her foot. That moment turned into a 10 second video clip. Her face wasn't shown and that wasn't on purpose but it worked out in the end and seconds after posting it and tagging her husband in it, it received more than one hundred thousand views and even more likes when it was screen recorded and reposted to blog sites and other platforms of social media.

Jay likes the photo and reposts it onto his own page, captioning it, _I love these little toes_ , and he turns off the comment section because knowing society, he knows that trolls will find a way to turn this blissful and innocent moment into something it's not. He grabs the food off the floor and walks over to his wife, "I saw that I was trending."

"Yeah…" she whispers, reaching to take the bag of food from him, "I hope you're not mad about why you're trending. I just couldn't resist."

"No, I'm not mad at all."

"I figured that we can find a line down the middle," she says, and the baby's cooing as she puts her mouth on every single toy attached to the jumparoo, "we can post her but for the time being, we can keep her face out of the photos." He likes that idea.

"I agree," he replies, reaching his hand inside of the carryout bag, "but what about when paparazzi sneaks a photo of her and tries to sell it?" Having a pricetag over their baby's head was the last thing they wanted but unfortunately it came with the territory of being a celebrity's child.

"You make a good point," and it's almost like he can read her mind because he knows what she's about to do when she reaches for his phone and goes to his photos. Erin swipes through the endless supply of pictures he has of Sophia before stopping on one where she's giving a gummy smile towards the camera and her blue eyes are shining and the flowery headband around her head –gifted by her aunt and uncle- portrayed the absolute definition of innocence and she knows it's the perfect one and when she shows it to her husband, he nods in agreement, "We post this one photo of her face to get the target off her head and then afterwards we only post photos of the back of her head or from the neck down," she says and he's quick to agree because it's actually a good idea.

To paparazzi, the first photo was worth the most. The price suddenly drops once the world knows what she looks like and while that goes against every moral and value, it's something they do out of protection for their daughter. Jay notices that his wife hesitates to post it, staring at Sophia as she plays, "She has absolutely no idea what we're going through right now," and that much was the truth because this didn't seem fair, "I just want to protect her and I really do think posting this photo will do that."

He takes his phone away, "Just give the word, Er. Like you said, this'll be the only photo that's out there that shows her face. I know the paparazzi, they'll do whatever it is they have to do to get the photo and we're about to make a ton of them very angry when they realize they've missed a sizeable check." Looking back and forth from her daughter to her husband, Erin eventually nods for him to post it and when he does, he adds a clichéd caption _extra, extra, read all about it,_ because he knows that this is about to make headlines and blogs and if it gives them a little break from paparazzi hiding in bushes and following them around for a photo of their baby, then it was all worth it in the end.


End file.
